"Remember when we waltzed in the rain"

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"But I couldn't scream I couldn't shout"

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"It seemed like the only people I wasn't scared of were my patients. They were as much at a loss in this place as I was."

- Sandeep Jauhar. Intern: a doctor's initiation. pg 113

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There's no creativity in this field. All that you've got to do to survive is to keep in track with the train of thoughts. This place is already as depressing as it is, with or without your presence. You clocked in day in day out without any hope for sunlight, and turns out you need it to stray yourself from depression. Patients come and go. All that you could remember were the diagnoses, never the names. There're two constants here: the mad chirping corvus at dawn, and everyone trying to cover their asses.

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"Crazy, I denied you so
Sing another song"

- The cold, Exitmusic

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"Reading lots but nothing sinks in
Adrenaline rushing but going nowhere"

-Thief, Her Name Is Calla

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Currently doing rehabilitation case write-up that due 8 weeks ago. As of this moment, I need no song. I need noise.

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Found this in the library just beside the orthopaedics section. Yeah I probably shouldn't be reading this.

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Woke up at 10 on a Tuesday. Quite an odd feeling. You get a degree less of both the bilateral eye bags but the guilty feeling you had inside is definitely more than that. Turned on the music and put on the earphone. Nobody should know you're still in room.

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".. but high and low, fast and slow? How is that not life? This planet gets very high and very low; it moves so fast sometimes and then so slowly. Sometimes it resonates intensely, sometimes it's all so strange, it leaves us in the dust. How could it ever be appropriate to feel less than too much?"

- Kristin Hersh, Paradoxical Undressing

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Running playlist

• Knight of Cydonia - Muse
• Natural Blue - Moby
• Clubbed to Death - Rob Dougan
• Intro - The xx
• White Light - Gorillaz
• White Noise - Exitmusic
• Let the Drummer Kick - Citizen Cope
• We Raise Our Hearts - Postijonen
• Press Pause - Pretty Lights

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serein (n.) - the fine, light rain that falls from a clear sky at sunset or in the early hours of night: evening serenity

There're in rhythmic cycle, the sounds. One second you're hearing raindrops and the next, silence.

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"If you keep your mind sufficiently open, people will throw a  lot of rubbish into it"

- William A. Orton

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Somehow this made my morning.

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The stashes were amazingly abundant as usual, though I didn't just pick up random nice-covered books like last time anymore, the heap of half-read fictions in the bookshelf taught the lesson well enough. The idea of coming here all the way spending 2 hours browsing into the stash and not taking home any gives an equally guilty feeling, so I bought this one. Just this one.

Paradoxical Undressing by Kristin Hersh

Random one too. Non-fiction. Never heard of the author but the title is interesting enough. Hope this won't be disappointing.

Paradoxical undressing: medical condition whereby people suffering from severe hypothermia inexplicably remove clothes or blanket.

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I barely had 3 hours of sleep last night and had guzzled a flat white, a salted caramel macchiato and a cappuccino, all in one day. You can say I'm on the verge of fulfilling the criteria for caffeine intoxication. In fact, I'm feeling both sleepy and edgy at the same time. Not really the perfect combination on a marathon eve.

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Interpret this.

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"Anything in life worth doing is worth overdoing, moderation is for cowards" - Lone Survivor

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